Well, I suppose it would be more correct to say that I am learning to run.  I’m not sure if it’s in my best interest or not yet since girls with boobs risk a black eye anytime they move faster than a speed walk.  All the same, I’m giving it a try.  Can I just say, I was sooo not prepared!  Let me paint you a picture.  Please be warned, it’s not pretty.

It’s time.  I’ve gotten my daughter to bed, my husband is taking care of our son – it’s time for my first ‘run’.  I wore my comfy yoga pants, comfy shirt and my hoody – which has pockets, but no zippers.  I grabbed my iPhone, where just last night I carefully loaded several upbeat songs and not one but two running apps (just in case!), and dug out my ear buds.  I’m ready to run (ha, I make myself laugh each time I call what I did tonight a run!).

Now, before I decided to do this, I did read up a little about learning to run and the general consensus seems to be that the first week should consist of 3 outings where, in addition to a reasonable warm up and cool down, you jog for 1 minute and walk for 6, then repeat 3 times.  As a result, I didn’t actually do much reading about the running apps I downloaded.  I’ll come back to this … in 1 minute.

I start walking, turn on my music and open the first running app. Running Trainer Lite. It seemed straight forward enough so I chose the Lesson 01 option (you get 3 free lesson settings – supposedly for your first week – with the ‘lite’ version of this app).  It’s pretty cool, a magical woman’s voice coos over my music, “Run, 1 minute.”  Huh, no warm up built into this lesson I guess but I’ve been walking a few minutes so off I go.  I begin my one minute run.

Now, let me just say, my yoga pants are my ‘comfy’ yoga pants for a reason.  I realize this as I feel them sliding down my ass and I grab at them frantically to keep them up.  I’m sure I was quite a sight because as anyone who knows me can attest to, I’m all grace at the best of times, let alone when I’m jogging down the street yanking my pants up with one hand and holding my phone in the other because if I don’t, it’s going to fly out of my zipperless hoody pockets, all the while trying to stop the ear bud wires from slapping me in the face as I float gracefully down the street!

“Walk, 1 minute.”  The woman’s voice (already not so magical) says over my music.  Oh, Gawd!  (huff, puff) Finally!  (weeze, cough) Wait.  What??  Aren’t I supposed to get to walk for 6 minutes?!  Okay, I can do this.  Right?  No, really.  I. Can. Do. This.  “Run, 1 minute.”  The voice says.  I listen.  I run.  Grabbing at my pants, holding my phone and trying to keep the wires out of my mouth as I huff and puff along.  I can do this.  You GO girl!  Oh crap.  It must have been a minute by now right?  It’s okay.  I can do this. I’m sure it’s just a few more seconds.  I pull up my phone and look at the display, I’ve got 42 seconds left!?  Are you JOKING?  There is no way … wait, why do I STILL have 42 seconds left.  Why isnt’ that number going down?!  WTF?  Why is the “Pause” button highlighted!?  Somehow, in all of my graceful manner, I managed to hit the pause button.  But that doesn’t really matter now does it – just DO NOT PASS OUT!

In case you were wondering, THIS is why I downloaded two apps.  Next App. RunKeeper Free.  No fancy pants voice to hate but it tracked my data as I moved back to the original rule of run 1 minute, walk 6.  I did this for the remainder of my run – which totaled about 2.5km long.  All the while grabbing at my pants to keep them up and holding my phone in my hand looking like queen geek and swatting the wires from my ear buds away from my face.  So, I was not exactly graceful.  But, I DID IT!  Which begs the question, will I do it again?  Darn right I will!  Tomorrow?  Perhaps.  Thursday?  More likely.  But I WILL do it again.  You can hold me to it!

Advertisements